STATE OF THE 'E: A Spring/Summer To Be Leary Of

Posted By: Robert Woodward Jr.

We all know the goings on of THE 'E. They're currently in panic mode. One of their "go to" biggest stars just had to retire out of the blue when he was hoping to have a couple more years left in the tank. With them not having a great lineup on Smackdown!, they shifted into "Draft" mode. We can all see it coming. I know people are pointing Cena to Smackdown!. Seriously? No. He's THE 'E's top guy. No Smackdown! for him. Now, Randy Orton on the other hand. Yes. He's not currently in a title hunt of any kind and after "Extreme Rules", there wouldn't really be any reason for him to be on RAW anymore. He's going to go against Punk in a "Last Man Standing" match. Clearly Punk will come out on top and wave "bye, bye" to Orton at the end. How do I know this? Well, I don't. But, it seems 100% logical. They need a top face to represent their B show. (Face it, he's face.)

We all know the Intercontinental and United States Championships have been put on a slow burner. So slow that the burn is almost out. Someone needs to get a match and re-light the pilot QUICK! These Championships were a thing of prominence. But since they threw it on Bryan as if to say "Here IWC, shut the fuck up!", they've pushed it aside. Sheamus, who had such a HUGE debut year has been shuffled to a high mid-card level. And Barrett, a man who has limitless talent, who has been screwed over a few times (Nexus not going anywhere, Punk kicking him out, forming Corre, Corre not going anywhere.), it's like they don't have a vehicle for the man. Hello, give him Regal as a Manager. Let Barrett be his old self. And hot damn we have a great start. Put him against Alberto Del Rio in a feud and watch the magic happen.

Christian will NOT get the Championship. You know why? For the last 12 years Vince has thought of him to be nothing. He doesn't understand the appeal of "Captain Charisma" much as he doesn't understand the appeal of WWWYKI. VKM is so smart, he's fucking stupid. He's the Rain Man of Sports Entertainment. He doesn't give the fans what they want until their star has fizzled out. We know you're appealing to kids to try and hook 'em like you're Big Tobacco or something but, come on. OLDER people still watch your product. I'm not asking for blood and swearing. I'm asking for VKM to pull his head out of the proverbial ass of infinite time loop to finally understand that he's in 2011. The Internet DOES exist. People DO find ways to watch their show. 2+2 still = 4, right? If so, I think I may be on to something here.

The Miz isn't exactly having a memorable title run, is he? I mean, media attention is great. Having the IWC behind you is great. Having VKM behind you is great. But, what about the matches? He's defended against Lawler, Cena and Morrison. Oooohhh. What good is length if you have no flow. That's like having a 12 inch cock with great girth but having NO IDEA what to do with it. The man has charisma, he has solid in ring capabilities. DO SOMETHING WITH HIM! I thought this whole "Upside down logo/rebelious guy" thing was gonna take off into well, an AAWEEEESSSOOOOMMMEEE direction. but, it's fizzled just as much as anything else THE 'E has attempted the last couple years. Storylines that are incoherent and fail to deliver in the end. It's pathetic.

Speaking of pathetic... how about those writers eh? Those bastards could write my sub order let alone write a full episode of RAW. Purely speculating here but, I believe my 6 year old son could come up with a better storyline for most of these guys. These educated, well rounded individuals that VKM has hired mean NOTHING! I'm nowhere near asking for the "car crash" writing style of Vince "My life is a scam" Russo. I'm saying, if you're gonna hire Soap Opera writers, make them do their damn job right. Same goes for the previous Conan, SNL, Simpsons writers as well that they hired. But, do you see a trend here? Aside from the one Soap Opera guy you've hired recently, you have former COMEDY writers doing all the work. Where the hell is an editor to say "no". It's not that hard of a work to learn VKM. Just two letters.

Sin Cara. I'm seeing a lot of hate for the dude. A lot. How about this, you try wrestling his style. Being a Lucha in THE 'E in this day and age is unheard of. The guys going in the company now have never worked with a true Lucha. They worked with Rey. But, he hasn't been a true Lucha since leaving WCW. And even then he wasn't a Lucha towards the end. He was unmasked and all. But it's cool. THE 'E has erased all of that for us. Give the new guy some time to blossom is all I'm saying. Don't bash him because others aren't good with him. Primo's foot slipped which caused Sin to fall. A-Ri and Miz weren't in the right spots when Sin tried to do his move with them and A-Ri DAMN sure wasn't in his spot when Sin ended the match. If these dirt sheets are telling the truth about "the guys in the back rolling their eyes" at Sin, we'll see it soon enough. But, considering the monster push and everything in between, expect him to be a player for a while.

Tag-Team Championship. ='(

Do we need another Championship? No. There's enough of them already in THE 'E. I don't want to see another prop out there making an ass of itself. Championships are meant to be honored. HONORED. Hence, ROH. They respect their Champions and Championships.

What do we make of SummerSlam right now? I mean, there's literally no way to predict who's gonna be where and when. I like that but, granted... it's like everything is thrown together haphazardly. Two weeks before a PPV, and we don't even have a full card. In the past, we'd have damn near the whole card filled by now. And with an entertaining story to go along with it. I'm tired of thrown together meals. If I wanna eat a steak dinner, I don't want to make it in a microwave in a pre-packaged meal from Swanson. I wanna make my stuff on a grill, and flame broil that shit. I want it done right. I want sauteed onions and all the trimmings. Give me real food, not over processed crap that feels like food. This isn't The Matrix. That steak better make itself real. Fast. Because if not, people will start waking up, and The Matrix will fall.

With that, I think I'm done. I'll be back next week with another "State Of THE 'E" piece if you guys like it.